You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
