If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
