I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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