So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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