I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
