Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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