you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
