Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
