Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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