just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
