I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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