I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
