im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
