Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
