I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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