No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
