what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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