All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
