Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
