love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
