a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
