worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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