Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
