Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
