Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
