hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
