So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize