So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
