you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
