An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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