does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
