idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
