thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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