is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bring money and cleavage
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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