New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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