Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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