Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found the puke drawer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
