just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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