Do you still have your period?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sext me about skeletons
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
