You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
FUCK WHALES
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
