wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Houston, we have a blender
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
