No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
