I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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