i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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