I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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