I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
