i think my tv is drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
