There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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