he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
