fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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