Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my liver is dry heaving
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
