I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's always time for handjobs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
