So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
