She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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