So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
