Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
