Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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