no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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