after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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