i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
