The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
