when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
