More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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