Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
