You work out of a Hotel?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
