Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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